As parents, it’s going to happen — those not so proud parenting moments that make you stop in your boots and say, “Maybe that wasn’t the best move.” And for me, those moments probably happen more than most parents. I mean, how many times have you blatantly called your child a “jackass”? Not mumbled it — actually said, “You are a jackass!” to their face? Yep. I told ya. For me, it’s on the reg. Hey, in my book when someone is being a jackass — even a 10-year-old child – you tell them.
Or do you? Ya see, that is where I fail as a parent. The should you or shouldn’t you question doesn’t even pop into my head. Am I missing an automatic mom-filter?
Don’t answer that!
Nevertheless, when the last not-so-proud-parenting moment occurred, I started to think back to all the moments that made me cringe, that still make me feel like a failure (aside from, well, all the time). Those times, after the not-so-proud parenting moment occurred, made me say out loud, “Oh crap, that wasn’t a good parenting move!” I thought I must share them because I can’t be the only parent out there utterly screwing up. So, my friends, below are some of my ridiculous moments as a parent:
- That night when we left a sick kid home to watch the little one so we could attend a dinner dance an hour away from the house. Hindsight, worst move ever; the man-child could barely lift his head from the pillow and was close to hurling chunks. Clearly, I should have stayed home. To make matters worse, we got a flat!
- That time I gave my child spoiled milk for days. (I never checked the date; you ALWAYS check the date!) And yes, he got sick at school!
- The oh so many times I dug dirty laundry out of the basket — deep out of the basket — to dress my children for school. #itwascleanenough
- That time, many moons ago (Need to add that disclaimer!), when we ate fast food 4 out of the 7 nights a week for dinner. I mean, seriously? #GrossButNotGross
- That time I forgot about picture day. The little bugger was wearing a Phineas and Ferb ratty old t-shirt without a clean haircut, and it just happened to be the year with no picture retake day. Or maybe I forgot about that too! #Probablywhathappened
- The day I sat down and talked to my children about ‘stranger danger,’ and my fifth grader ended up in the nurses’ office crying after he walked to school. I scared the pants off him. (Yes, I mentioned kidnapping and maybe went a little too far with the graphics.) What in holy hell was I thinking?
- The lapse in judgement when I told my son to Google his homework answers — literally teaching my children to cut corners. WTF is wrong with me?
- When I fed my kids pizza bagel bites for breakfast for about 3 months straight. They’re bagels, right?
- That day when my son didn’t eat breakfast before his basketball practice. (It was EARLY. He didn’t get up when I tried to wake him. Cut me some slack!) When he came home, he was starving. He didn’t like the options I gave him so I left him $20 to call Domino’s because I had to run some errands. #ParentingFail #whatiswrongwithme
I am sure there are a lot more parenting fails than this. I mean, they are 13 and 10. There certainly can’t be just 9 measly parenting fails in 13 years. But that’s neither here nor there, right? We’re going to fail as parents — more times than we wish. I can rest my head on my pillow at night knowing that these two little buggers are loved. They’re alive! They have clothes on (clean or not, they have clothes on). And to me, that’s a win!!