What a difference a week makes – seriously in merely seven days my entire perspective about CrossFit changed. I realized I was complete moron when it came to CrossFit especially these Open WOD’s.
And I am being too harsh? Perhaps but I think not. I was taking CrossFit and these Open WOD’s way too seriously; instead of realizing what the intent was … to have fun and challenge yourself; not performing the WOD’s the way I wanted to in my mind was not realistic. And because of that unrealistic mentality -I took it as a personal assault on myself as an athlete … assault on your body – hell yes, but yourself as an athlete? Hell no that is damn ridiculous!
As I was told by my Coach and some fellow box athlete’s – these Open WOD’s need to be looked at as – it’s just another WOD. Be proud of what you are doing, and stop beating yourself up. And hot damn, that was like a cold bucket of water being thrown on my face – I’m crying over a workout? WTF. So thank you Coach Charlie, Mike and Tom for bringing my insanity down to a manageable level.
One can ask why would I put such a heavy expectation on myself to perform at a level that I am just not at yet well, that’s a question I can’t really answer – perhaps it was the hype of the last few weeks that really threw me for a loop; Yes, I drank the CrossFit juice, saw some gains but I wanted every gain that I could dream of NOW! And that’s not how it works. That is not how CrossFit works. I know who I am, I know I that can tough some shit out and that’s what I have to do – tough shit out, challenge myself and have fun doing it.
Complete as many rounds and reps in 13 minutes:
55 wall-ball shots
55 hand release push-ups
Men deadlift 135 lb. and throw 20-lb. ball to 9-ft. target
Women deadlift 95 lb. and throw 10-lb. ball to 9-ft. target
I was really relieved when I saw this workout – I knew how to do these moves! Yahoo -half of the mental battle was won! I promised myself I wouldn’t obsess, wouldn’t Google tips, wouldn’t watch video after video of CrossFitters doing these moves and would just have fun with this workout. So that’s what I did.
Well, for the most part.
I ummmm … mentioned to my Coach that I wanted to finish one complete round, wherein the Coach responded “That’s a spicy goal D, go for it”, then I remembered that: crap I had to complete a shit load of stuff in just 13 minutes. The calculations started in my head, and I estimated it could take me approximately 6-7 minutes to pull 55 calories. Shit balls that’s half the time allotted, when I expressed that I had to rethink my goal Coach saved the day and said “Just get to the push-ups.”
Get off the damn rower was now my goal.
Between Thursday and Saturday I didn’t google a damn 16.4 tip or strategy instead I watched CT Fletcher on a fricking rotation. I switched my obsessive behavior to another fix. Classic OCD move. It got so bad, my 8 year old said “you’re listening to someone who is saying really really bad words” where in I replied ‘he’s not saying them to be mean, just to motivate me.” Major. Parenting. Fail.
Arriving at the box, true to form I let a few athletes go before me- I couldn’t relinquish that – I had to see the pain up close. The girls were killing it. And I offered my support where I could. Yelling at athletes to pull harder, push faster and do one more push-up. As I was spewing ‘one more push-up’ the looks I got were of pure disdain. What? It’s only one more push-up, you got 20 seconds you can do it.
Before I started my round, Mike stepped in (again) and offered some tips:
Wall balls: Do not break parallel, don’t rest on your toes, rest on the heels and drive up. Okay, check. Got it. My reality: But do I really got it?
Rower: pull to the chest as hard as you can, take a sec, go back for more, use your legs, catch your breathe from the walls balls in the first two-three seconds. Okay, check. Got it. My reality: it’s going to take more than 2-3 seconds to catch my breathe.
Hand release push up: Do not snake up, do not lift your toes, and worth repeating again – do not snake up. Okay, check. Got it. My reality: Fuck.
My round was up. I was ready to get it done. Mike stepped up to the plate to be my judge again [Thank you sweet baby Jesus!]. I told him, get me off the rower; he said “there will be ‘no no reps’ this week, you got this, you will get off the rower.”
I got through 12 deads before I had to regrip. I had to break the deads into rounds of 10. 10 more done. OUCH. Doubt started to creep in: ‘wow this hurts.’ 10 more. 2 more. I continued in my head: ‘why does this suck? crap, I got this, it’s 95lbs – my max is 195lb will that mother efffing bar up NOW Deanna!’ As I inched closer and closer little by little. I vaguely heard my judge say 15 more. At that time 5 or 2 at a time was the only way to finish. Done!
I shook out my arms; got ready to pounce. My strategy was rounds of 10 push to 11, don’t break parallel, rest on your heels. First go at it I got to 11. I immediately thought: ‘this is going to take longer than I thought’. Judge: ‘Start in the squat position and throw the ball up.’ No rep! 16. 22. No rep! One wall ball didn’t even hit the wall it kinda went up and down – WTF was that? – I literally no rep’d myself. 33 to go. Doubt again crawled in: ‘FUCK!’. 27. 32. No rep! 37. 38.39.40. One rep at a time. 42. 43.44. Up and down. Up and down. Up and down. 45.46.49. At one point I just fell forward almost slamming my head into the wall, the ball thankfully stopped the impact. I totally broke parallel. 50. 51. No rep! 4 more to go. Done!
Time was now burning at both ends the candle. I just wanted to get off the rower. Get. Off. The.Rower. I pulled as hard as I could; I averaged about 1 calorie for every two pulls. 110 pulls. That’s a lot of pulls. I listened to the cheers ‘the pull harder, you’re almost there girl. Pull harder’. [Thank you Markella!] When I had about 5 calories left, I heard my judge say ‘5 calories to hit, finish under 5 minutes.’ And so I did. I was probably 10 seconds shy of 5 minutes. But I did it.
I crawled off the rower and threw myself on the floor, I believe I heard my Judge say ‘you have just over 2:30 minutes to get to 20 push-ups.’ All I was thinking was ‘I am sorry Erica and Nicole for telling you that you had one more in you. I get it. My arms felt like rubber. R.U.B.B.E.R.’ I hit 1, 2,3, 4 … totally snaking up, totally not using ANY of Mike’s tips. From across the box I heard the bellow: ‘NO REP!’ I looked up, my face had to say: ‘Have mercy on me Coach’ then again: ‘No rep. That’s a NO REP! Toes can’t come off the floor!” 5,6,7,8. Judge: ‘Get to 20’. 9,10, No rep! 11,12. Flat out on my face. My good friend – doubt flipped me off with: ‘Can’t move my arms’ then I heard CT Fletcher in my head: ’ will yourself up mother fucker.’ Judge: ‘Get up’; 13,14. Flat out on my face. I was thinking – C’mon Deanna get yourself up. Judge: ‘Let’s go.’ 15. No rep! 16. It hurts. 17. Judge: ‘10 seconds left.’ 18.
I. AM. DONE. Like a fish flopping out of water I rolled over on my back and all I was thinking was: I got off the rower! I stood up, felt a little dizzy and nauseous. I tried to fist pump my judge but it was a weird hand-slap fist something. My balance was off. I walked a little, mumbled to someone “I might throw-up”. Coach said ‘4 done, one more to go’. I tried to fist pump him but I don’t think my arms moved. I walked a little more, grabbed an orange; it was just what I needed the peeling of the orange distracted me – took the focus off my stomach that was flipping while my balance that was still really off. I hashed out the work-out with a fellow athlete who said her throat was on fire (good times!) and just sat my ass down. What was that?
16.4 really turned your stomach inside out. Some athletes got sick. Yes, for real. When you think about it – it is kind of badass – you worked that hard that it turned your stomach into knots. Am I that ridiculous that I am thinking like that?
To me, 16.4 was the most fun of all the open WOD’s. It could be a combination of a few things: I knew how to do the moves, and I didn’t care that I no rep’d, I resigned myself to just focus on this one day, to enjoy the process, knowing that I will continue to push each day, knowing that each WOD I perform will make me stronger, fitter, faster and until I get to where I want to be and until that time – in this present moment – I will own that NOW I am the best Deanna that I can be.
With one more open WOD to go, I am ready. 16.5 – I am ready for you – I am ready for the no reps, I am ready to cheer on my fellow athletes, and I am ready to have some fun! Yes, CrossFit is fun – a sick demented torturous fun but fun nonetheless.