Monthly Archives: April 2014

How Selfless Do You Think You Are?

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Do you truly think you’re selfless? I bet most of us think we are but in reality we’re not. A true act of selflessness is when you perform an act of kindness without any regard for yourself or your own interest.

Meaning that after you paid for coffee for that dude in Starbucks you don’t blast it on Facebook.

It’s acting it total anonymity.

It’s not letting the World know that you are this great person because you did this great thing.

It’s not looking for the pat on the back because you performed a ‘Random Act of Kindness.’

I always thought I was a selfless person, or acted as a selfless person. My eyes were opened when I was in a conversation with some coworkers. It was then that I fully understood the meaning of being completely selfless.  I was about 27 at the time, my co-workers and I were in a conversation when one explained how they helped a friend who was having a hard time, how selfless she was (literally she used that term).  The four out of five of us completely hopped on the band wagon, patted her on the back and nodded in total agreement until my colleague Kari jumped in, eloquently explained to us all that it wasn’t really an act of selflessness if she is telling us about her wonderful deed, that it may have been a nice gesture but by no means was it selfless.

I was blown away.

Here all along I thought I knew what selfless meant, and that I was this selfless person.

I can honestly tell you that I contemplated this for a good 10 years.  Every time I performed a good deed and wanted to brag – even to myself – I thought of this conversation. And some days I bragged and other days I didn’t.

It’s human nature to want to help. And I truly believe its human nature to want to receive the accolades for helping. It’s also human nature to want to be part of the big picture, for helping our World especially in this day and age (oh yes I said it, I did, I am now my Aunt Grace) when our World seems so crippled.

And I totally get that – who wouldn’t want to be acknowledged for at least trying to make this World, in this day and age, a better place?

I get it.

I so get it.

But I didn’t really get it. Because I haven’t been completely successful at keeping my mouth shut about any kind deeds that I performed.

It wasn’t until a month or two ago when I saw a true act of selflessness right before my eyes.

I saw my 10 year old unbeknownst to him go completely and utterly out of his way to help another human being.  A pretty big thing too.  And yes, he has done these things in the past, but this act was purely selfless, without any regard for himself or the extra playing time he’d get on Minecraft  – if he did something for me, his brother, dad, grandmother, whomever or whatever bribe I threw at him.

I witnessed true selflessness.

He had no other intent other than to truly help another person without wanting anything in return.

And that was when Kari’s message truly sunk in.

17 years later.

I was in awe of his action but more important than his action but his ability to not regard himself during or after his true act of kindness, not to say “I did that for you, now do this for me” or to even inform me of what he did, if I wasn’t at the right time at the right place, I would have never known.

The love that he showed me from his action will fill my heart forever.

And Kari … I am forever thankful for that.

 

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Posted in That's Life, Uncategorized Tagged with: , , , , ,

Just Chill The F*%K Out: My Open Letter to Gwyneth and Mackenzie

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Truth be told, I was pissed off at Gwyneth Paltrow for a variety of reasons – her E! News interview as well as her pretentious “Conscious Uncoupling” announcement – I lambasted her on my Facebook feed, in texts and I was ready to perform the infamous German Suplex on her. Then I read Mackenzie Dawson’s retort to the Gwynie interview and was equally put off – not sure how or why it happened but after reading Mack Daddy’s letter, chugging some coffee, wiping my sons’ snots from my shirt I had a definite “Ah Ha” moment:

Stop being so mean Deanna, don’t buy into this bunk! You’re feeding into women bashing. Again.  Stop! Be part of the solution not the problem. Why the hell do we keep tearing women down when we should be building each other up?

Then I got to thinking, how can I address this? Well … :

Dear Mackenzie and Gwyneth,

Gwynie and Mack – hear me out – you both seem like perceptive, reasonable woman with somewhat similar careers as your work is viewed and scrutinized by the public eye. You both have the significant ability to reach reasonably larger audiences. Why did you go there? You could have used your platforms intelligently with an incredible opportunity to spew something like:

“Moms have the toughest jobs in the world, whether you’re working a traditional gig, running a Fortune 500 Corporation or as an actress, motherhood is hard and I applaud everyone.”

Or something much more refined, but instead the claws came out.  The women bashing began.  Our country has been struggling with this issue for years and more so now than in any recent time, and instead of banning together the tired old “Me vs. Them” argument was thrown into the ring.  Again.

As women we’re supposed to be the reasonable ones. With a seemingly large pool of working mothers in every single industry in the entire world you both had the chance to take a meaningful stance on a very hot topic: ‘women in the workplace’ as well as shout a rallying cry for moms everywhere to unite.

Frankly, you blew it.  Blew it BIG TIME.

As mothers we all know that whether you are working 9am-to-5pm, 10am-to-10pm, 11pm.-to 7:00am, a stay at home mom, single mom, or working in a high powered career while juggling mommy hood (and the laundry, dishes and baking cupcakes for your child’s birthday) presents itself with some compromises:  Sex or no sex? Going for a run or go to the bathroom? Sleep or no sleep?

Some days you’re the top clown at the circus and other days you’re in the corner hoping to get back in that center ring.

As human beings we know in our hearts of hearts no one has it easy.  Even those with nannies, cleaning crews and personal training sessions, it ain’t easy raising rug rats. There is always something. Always. Something. You can be 2 or 10,000 miles away – your ladies bits will cringe and your heart will break a little when “home” scrolls across your cell phone with the screams of:  “MOM, Sam won’t give me the clicker!”, “Dad said I can’t have ice-cream!” and “MOOOMMMM I miss you!”

Private Jets, Public Transit or the School Bus Stop.  Motherhood is a hard gig.

And that’s why there is wine, beer and sangria – organic or not it was made for a reason.

Let’s stop. Let’s not feed into another “Mommy War” and operate from a place of nice or at least understanding. Motherhood is not a contest, so take off your PTA hats, your Louboutins’, pour a glass of vino (I’m opting for Sangria, I need my fruit intake for the day) and let’s at least agree that we’re not raising children but little vampires that (whether you’re working or not) suck the life out of you.

I’m consciously uncommencing the working mom debate now!

Cheers!

Warm regards,

Deanna

Posted in The Little Buggers