I Partied Like It Was 1992!!

The Summer of Deanna is in FULL SWING! Over the last several weekends I have had the pleasure of spending time with some of my College roomies, friends whom I love to pieces but don’t get to see as often as I would like. When we graduated College, we were all set to start our lives. We got jobs, but most of my crew traveled and traveled. I basically stayed on strong Island doing the suburban 20 year old living thing. I visited my friends in most of their locations Oregon, Vermont, Chicago, Potsdam, Fire Island (Summer Shares!) and if I couldn’t visit, I’d send them letters that they could barely read because I either wrote them in crayon or because of my catholic school handwriting; the nuns were too busy worrying about us fornicating to take the time to teach us things like penmanship. Nevertheless, every Christmas night for about 6 years we got together to yuck it up and drink it up; than my friends tucked away their suitcases; got their Masters, got married and started having kids. Before these wonderful nights out it had been 8 months since I have had a beer and about 28 years since I drank to the point of oblivion. Boy was it fun! While out I acted much like my kids do when they are given way too much sugar in a small amount of time. I was dancing like a fool, smiling all giddy, I laughed till I peed my pants (literally and figuratively – damn kids destroyed my bladder!) and did anything I could to get my friends to laugh –much like a 6 year old. It’s been way too long since I’ve laughed like that.

When I think back on all the stunts we pulled, I find it impossible that now we are all adults and active participating members of society – we are VP of Sales, Teachers, Nurses, Speech Pathologist, Location Mangers of Major Motion Pictures however, if I ever found out that my sons pulled the stunts like we did, I think I’d faint. I drank beer from a dirty skanky boot, ran down the street buck naked, once we stole our neighbor’s choir robes and pranced around Binghamton singing like a chorus of drunken fools. Now we’re sewing Halloween costumes and our kids are singing in the choir. Camping now is taking hikes with kids and making s’mores instead of drinking till we can’t walk and sleeping it off in the car. Instead of belting “Total Eclipse of the Heart” at the top of our lungs down Main Street, at 2:00 a.m. in a townie of all townie towns we’re singing Dora and Barney tunes, one friend got it right and her kids are singing the Beatles. Ah youth! Those good old days make me realize that I’ve paved the way for my boys to be animals without even knowing it.

As my children embark on making friends I get excited, I want them to be a good friend, show the love and also experience the love that I’ve received from these wonderful people who are still in my life. I also get nervous because friendship is a slippery slope. The Soon-To-Be-First Grader has already experienced some heartbreak when he was teased that his lunch looked like poopie, or when he was told (by the same little rat bastard) that he wouldn’t be invited to a party if he didn’t do a certain thing…and I just want to cry and beat the mean little shit up. But these things are going to happen and I can’t fight their battles, all I can do make sure my kids are raised right so they can be a good friend, a good person, and certainly not drink any alcohol whatsoever, none zero, zilch, not from a cup or a frickin’ boot. I have come to realize that my kids will be making tons of friends over the years and some will last forever, others will break their hearts and still some will only be around for a specific amount of time.

Time is a funny thing, it sneaks up on you and you suddenly realize you’re about to turn forty, or it moves so slowly it drives you to distraction but I’ve learned over the years that when it comes to friendship time does not matter, it also doesn’t stand still. We wear our aches, pains and control top panties with pride, okay maybe not pride but with the relief that we can still bend down and put them on by ourselves. What I’ve learned is that a Friend is a Friend is a Friend. From High School to College to all in between, we are accepting of our faults, love each other unconditionally and when we get together we always, always pee our pants with laughter, our bladders may be weaker but our funny bones are definitely stronger.



Oh, and Tina, Maria, Nicole, Shannon, Gina, Maria, Julie, Amy...You're the next stop on the Summer of Deanna Tour get your boots ready!!

Happy Weight Loss Anniversary To Me!!

A year ago today, I started the Health Magazine Feel Weight Great Program. I was on their program, or their Guinea Pig (to quote Alanna) for 7 months, one of the best experiences of my life. I started the weight loss process on my own in February 2008 and it took me just about two years to lose 29 pounds. Hey slow and steady wins the race! With Health Magazine I lost 29 (magic number eh?)for a total of 58 pounds. I have about 10-15 more to go. The last 10 pounds is the hardest, damn them, why are "they" always right! Prior to 2008, I tried what I thought was everything to lose weight (Weight Watchers, LA Weight Loss, Atkins, Grapefruit Diet, 3-Day Diet...) I didn't work any of those programs they way they were outlined, therefore I was unsuccessfull. I guess my light wasn't on or they weren't for me - whatever, it's almost all gone now and I simply can't hold on to that heavy shiz, it just weighs ya down.

Nevertheless, I thought I'd post a photo essay of my long-drawn out weight loss.

Thanks to all the support from my family and friends, I am sure you are all so tired of hearing me cry, talk, rant about my weight. Thanks to Health Mag's awesome team and affiliates: Su Reid St.John, Mary Beth Dulaney, Marissa Lippert, Jessica Maziekas @ Equinox, Heather Weston, Ingela Amundson, and my fellow program followers: Alanna Campbell, Fatou Kine Dieye, and a special shout-out to Betsy for sending me the link, thinking I'd be perfect for the program, you were right sista! Kisses, & Hugs to you all!

Here's me from my biggest ever, than from 2008 when I started to get serious to today:



2001, I never saw myself this big, that's probably why I steadily gained for years, hey, at least I was consistent!



I always hid from the camera, notice the 7 year gap. Oy Vey!



This is one month after I started to take my weight loss seriously, March 2008, HOLY MOLI!



April 2008, Slow and Steady, about 9 pounds gone. It looks like more, but it really isn't!



July 2008, took this to document my weight loss.


November 2008

Again, another HUGE gap of not taking pictures, tsk, tsk!



May 2009, Hot Mama! Love that Dress, it's too big now!! First time in YEARS that I could buy something in the "regular" section. Big Accomplishment!



June 2009



July 2009 - Just started Health's Feel Weight Great Picture, Mama Mia!! Taken by Heather Weston:



September 2009, started to feel comfortable taking pictures, finally!



October 2009



December 2009, Almost at the finish line of Health's Feel Weight Great Picture, taken by Heather Weston:



January 2010


March 2010, Completed my first half marathon, 2:19, completed my second 4 weeks after, and have my third coming up in October.


July 2010 - Yes, a bathing suit, never felt comfortable in my entire adult life, glad I do now!



July 2010 - I love this pic because it's so candid, and I love that my boobs don't look enormous!





Fist pic is July 2009 at the start of Health's program, below is December 2010, I love the difference, I didn't realize it until it was pointed out to me. Never lose sight of what you have accomplished in life, own it, work it, weight-loss or whatever it is!

Words to Live By...

Every once in a while you need a little inspiration, here's my dose:

"Talent wins games, but teamwork and intelligence wins championships".-Michael Jordan

"Fall seven times, stand up eight".-Japanese Proverb

"Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today".-James Dean

"Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive".-Howard Thurman

"You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them.” - Michael Jordan

"I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can't accept not trying.”-Michael Jordan

"Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes".-Oscar Wilde


Ya think I like Michael Jordan....just a little!!

Betty White was Right

Facebook is a waste of time. Wait, I should rephrase that: Most of the time that I log onto Facebook it’s a waste of MY time. When I log onto Facebook I jet back 10-20 years to a time where I was very insecure, immature, and lacked a ton of confidence, had no idea “who I was”. I became the typical 18 year old assuming that everyone’s life is better than mine. I read updates, noised around profiles and found myself wasting hours of my life because I was looking at pictures of Vicki Jo Frankel who is friends with a friend of a friend of mine. I got obsessed with certain profiles, and assumed that what he is doing was awesome, that so-and-so has such a fun life, that everyone was going to achieve their goals but me. When I logged off I was my knocking-on-40’s door self and reverted back into my life, the life that I love, and the life that makes me very happy. But I became obsessed with certain “Friends”. I became a stalker, oh yes a stalker, all I needed was a crappy Buick, shades, and not shower for two days– I already had the ability to live on food from 7-11, so I was all set. But if I was so happy in life than why did I question it when I logged onto certain profiles on Facebook? I’ve mulled this question over and over and I couldn’t find an answer. I thought maybe it’s because I see the same weakness in these “Friends” that I have myself, I asked myself if I was jealous of what these “Friends” were doing with their lives, I started to judge these “Friends” for no apparent reason. I have not felt this way in years, literally years. I thought I combated these insecurities like Sir William Wallace leading the resistance in Scotland. Smashed. Gone. Conquered. O.V.E.R. IT. I was concentrating on me, Deanna, my life, my family, and our wants. I thought I retired the overly critical girl who cared too much about what Sally was doing, I ended that that act and then suddenly, I was dusting off the Judy McJudgestein name tag and slapping it on and I didn’t like it one bit. It was unhealthy physically and emotionally. I was staying up late to “catch up” with “Friends” that were never ever my “Friends”, trying to break up a fight with the kids with one hand on the computer and yelling “stop it boys, c’mon boys, mom’s trying to do some work”, yeah not my best moments as a mom. I was also too exhausted to work-out. Emotionally, well, I went from 39 ½ to 18 every day, no explanation needed.

My only defense was to delete all those “Friends” that I had no association with, that I didn’t want to share my life with. Coincident, or perhaps it’s a blood thing, but today my cousin, Zsanne (whom I have not seen in a LONG time) posted on her wall “If you're not a talker, then you're a stalker”. To me that was perfect(all the way around). Now, don’t think my logic is skewed being that I make my life public with a blog but blasting my life over my blog is different than how I felt using Facebook. My issue with MY Facebook USE is that I, me, little ‘ole me was making it a big deal. I was digging into the lives of people I really don’t care about. I don’t know these “Friends”, yes the funny status updates were entertaining, and it is lovely to reconnect, but I barely had time for the people I want in my life and suddenly I’m in a whirlwind attending Facebook reunions, mourning the loss of pets from “Friends”- people that are twice removed from the original friend I connected with, it was silly. So I decided to delete, delete and delete. My criteria - no brainer: all family distant and near stayed, it’s family, I don't care if it's been 20 years, it's the number one(1) reason why Facebook rocks, and the rest of my “Friends” well, if I encountered them outside of the walls of my basement, if I could answer “Yes” to the following questions they stayed on my list: 1) Could I be 100% truthful about my life 2) Tell them when my last bowel movement was 3) Bitch about my life without feeling judged and spew all my thoughts that being a Mommy is the harder than scaling Mt. Everest, 4) Did they provide some sort of inspiration, education or enlightenment. No? Delete!

Suddenly Facebooking became fun again, my insecurities evaporated and when I logged in I was 39 ½ Deanna not 18 year old Deanna. What a relief! I could easily reconnect with 189 friends, 500 was way too overwhelming (inject sarcastic voice here). I felt free, I could “Friend” whom I wanted to and not to just pump up my “Friend” list. I could appreciate the witty, funny, emotional or thought-provoking status-updates; I was no longer bogged down by Mafia War or Farmville requests. And then it started again, the deleted “Friends” started sending requests, I got flustered, I felt flattered, I was flabbergasted. What do I do now? Do I add? Remember my lack of decision making skills – I was perfuckingplexed (life should be this easy right?), this along with signing kids up for camp, swimming lessons, being the time-fucking-life secretary at work was sending me to the Looney bin. The vicious cycle of my insecurities and fears came rushing back like water from a hose; I just couldn’t lose control again, I could not and vowed not to get sucked in, but the lures of their pictures, of the potential chuckles from their status updates started bouncing around in my noggin, and then I reminisced on how I missed seeing photo’s of Jenn’s kids, seeing the progress on Sam’s new business venture, wondered if Francine started that blog she was talking about. I started negotiating with myself, batting down my inner 18 year old getting all 40 on her ass saying “You’re an adult, you can be strong, you can add these people again and resist the pull of Crazyland”. And then out of nowhere wham, smack, screams of bloody fucking murder came from my inner devil as I got wailed with a rubber giraffe. I turn around, tears in my eyes and innocently with his huge blue puppy dog eyes the two year old smiles, the six year old spouts “He did it”. I recompose myself clicked “ignore” on all “Friend” requests and started playing with my kids. I finally, finally did the most adult thing in the world – closing the door on 18 year old Deanna so I can be 6 again!