Monthly Archives: June 2010

What Would You Do For A Klondike Bar?

Seriously though, is there one food out there that you would do ANYTHING for? Is there one food out there that you can eat day after day, after day without getting bored? I can’t even answer these questions because I can’t make a decision if my life depended on it, also, I really don’t LIVE for one thing. Some have to have chocolate every day, while others need ice-cream or hamburgers, or fruit. Me, meeh… nothing excites me that much. I will admit that I’m a strange bird when it comes to my eating, even thought I like a lot of foods in all genres ((veggies, fruits, proteins, legumes etc..) hence why I needed to lose 58 pounds) I’ll eat for lunch for a solid six weeks spaghetti squash with sautéed onions and diced tomatoes, a little grated cheese – no other seasonings day after day, loving every bite and then one day the switch is flipped and I won’t see spaghetti squash for 6 months.

Ya think I need a little variety? Um, yeah. So I made a pledge to myself to add variety to my daily plate…variety is the spice of life, right? That way I won’t get bored and maybe I’ll see spaghetti squash more than 6 weeks out of the year! To make this pledge happen I went ahead and organized all of my recipes that I have ripped out of magazines for years and shoved in a box. I went all OCD on myself and put them in a neat little binder, in neat little report covers, categorized in order of: Apps, Dinners (Organized: Meat, Fish, Veggies, Crockpot), Sides and Desserts. I did this while my kids were running around the house naked, I didn’t care, the pull to get this done was like a mosquito to a fire, nothing was going to stop me, not even a little ass flying by at warped speed. And ya know it took no time at all. I felt so proud of myself! I also I found out three things about myself 1) Most of my recipes are from Green Light Bites/Roni’s Weigh, Health Magazine and The Pioneer Woman 2) I like shrimp, a lot, 3) I really love being organized. Must be the Virgo in me.

So onward and upward, so my pledge will be to make 1 new lunch and 1 new dinner each week from my recipe book, from what I find online and from my former nutritionist, Marissa Lippert’s new book: The Cheaters Diet– The book is great, I highly recommend it! My logice 1) I won’t overwhelm myself (and overwhelmed Deanna is a screaming lunatic ) 2) I’ll add nice new recipes to my already boring rotation making it fun and 3) Summer is an easy time to do this because of all the great fruits and veggies, plus grilling seems so much easier than slaving in a kitchen…why is that?

But to get to back why I started this post… is there one food out there that you would do ANYTHING for? Is there one food out there that you can eat day after day, after day without getting bored?

Inquiring minds want to know…

Posted in Mangia Mia Fitness Pia

Summer, Summer Time!

Don’t ya just want to pop in the ‘ole Will Smith CD song and start singing… Summer Summer Summer Time, What? Wait, we don’t use CD’s anymore? So crank up those MP3 Players, or your IPod 200, or whatever version we are on now, and dive into summer!

I just love the summer, favorite season by far, spending the day at the pool, or the beach, getting tan, taking that after beach shower, feeling so fresh like you’ve just been shot up with Botox, (or what I am told it feels like) the sound of that first beer crackling open while getting ready to hang-out to the wee hours of the…oh shit, what the hell am I talking about? Did I just have my first flash-back? Damn, I really believed that my life lends itself to this type of living… yea right!

Now, my top priority for the summer is to make sure my kids don’t drown. Drowning is my number one phobia, choking is second and a home invasion is third. Yea, I’m not normal but that’s been established years ago, precisely 6.5 years ago when my first son was born.

Ah the Summer Time and Sunscreen. Sunscreen, oh Sunscreen how I hate thee! I never wore sunscreen as a kid, and I was a golden bronze till about November, and had tan lines till December. Kids today, I guess can’t handle a little melanoma…wimps! I hate the whole sunscreen purchase ‘cause I never know what sunscreen to buy… 15, 30, 45, 50. All the fancy bottles with their little spray adapters, and the oh, so alluring “No Tears” advertising that really pulls me in. There are so many brands to choose from…do I go basic with CVS, or is that playing with fire? Banana Boat or is that just for Surfers? What about Aveeno, is that better for the skin? I can’t make a decision for the life of me! And the SPF… confused on that one too. I just heard that the SPF number has no relation to actual protection of the skin; it refers to the actual minutes that you will be protected while in the sun. HELLO? Duped for all these years – screw you Coppertone, although that baby’s ass is so pinch-able, isn’t it?

I am very thankful that my kids have finally taken one thing that I spew to heart and that I actually ingrained in my their minds how important sunscreen is so much so that my two-year whips out the bottle as if he’s about to graffiti a wall. I am also thankful that they give me a break on the application process too. But that wasn’t always the case, two-three years ago; slathering sunscreen on my child was like giving a beluga whale a bath – impossible. The kicking, the screaming, one hand on the kid, the other hand had a glob of lotion in it which you are trying desperately not to get on that cute little cover-up, which ultimately happens, while trying to get the kid all protected and stuff. Finally, you get the sunscreen on the chest, back, legs and arms, and then (que evil music) you have to go in for the face. Like a Russian gymnast, you fly through the air doing what seems like a back handspring into triple somersault(s) grabbing the face as you land, making the quickest swipe of sunscreen from forehead to chin hoping that you got the entire face covered amidst cries of “not on my face, not on my face”. Impossible is an understatement, I feel for those that still go through this and I thank GOD that I don’t have to. WHEW!

Since I retired my Russian gymnast routine, but typical summer day now goes like this: After we apply sunscreen we jump into a hot sticky car to head to the pool. The car is so hot your ass cheeks stick to the seats, the kids faces look like plums, the two-year old wants to get in the car by himself and if I let that happen, he’ll jump into the driver’s seat to play with all the dials. As I try to grab him he jumps from seat to seat. I am now sweating like a beast getting so aggravated that I’ll end grabbing the kid and literally throw him in the car seat as I try not to burn my hand on the metal puzzle like thingy to secure him. This is not fun, and I try to bypass this as much as possible. Kids are secure, and we rock and roll.

We arrive at the pool. This is where my acting chops come into play. I’m the lucky gal that gets to pretend to be Houdini and Claudia Schiffer – talk about method acting. I never took a class in my life; however I can pull this off like nobody’s business. First,I have to pretend that I am all confident and stuff as I don my “skirtini” and strut around the pool chasing a two-year old – I pretend that the piss-laden baby pool is a cat-walk and I am “moving my hips like “yeah” when in all reality I am a graceful as bull in a china shop, it’s acting people. As I pretend to do my cat-walk – I have turn into Houdini and magically bounce to the big pool so the six year old can swim and show off. Two places at one time? No problem! Um, big problem, dragging a two year old out of the pool he enjoys to a scary big pool is not an easy feat nor do I look pretty doing it. I am basically mooning the entire pool as I grab the kid, trying not to slip and crack my head on the concrete. After which I have to pull out my best moves to keep him afloat as I compliment the six year old on all the neat tricks that he can do…gotta build up that ego, ya know! We do this for three to four hours, and then mama is done.

When my timer goes off, I pack up our crap, keep the kids away from the pool, and as dry as possible thus the changing process begins. Because God forbid they sit in something wet, I mean, why are we spoiling these kids? I wore my wet bathing suit for hours; my ass looked like a prune before my mother changed me. After struggling to get off their wet bathing suits, and into dry clothes we head out the gates, pass the concession stand and argue about whether or not they can get ice pops. Mind you they already had like 10 ice pops, goldfish, juice boxes, you name it. Some days I cave and other days I am as firm as a Joan Rivers face. I thank God that I was smart enough not to tackle the beach on my own. I get the little buggers in the car and we’re off. Finally we get home, get ready for dinner, eat,and with any luck they pass out… that’s when Mama gets to crack open that brewski!

AAhhh Summer Time…

Posted in deanna, summer, sun tan lotion, The Little Buggers

The GREAT Debate

The debate of Working Mom Vs. Stay at Home Mom has been going on for Centuries. Starting from the Cavewoman; I am sure as shit that Betty resented Wilma, who got to stay home while Betty was out foraging for food and supplies, all because Barney was too busy trying to invent the wheel, or making fire or goofing off at that Buffalo Lodge, Fred meanwhile was climbing up the Rock Quarry ladder, getting ready for the next promotion. Poor Betty, always in Wilma’s shadow.

This is an age old debate that I personally don’t have a clear stance on, as I am a Mom that has done both – at several different stages of my children short lives. I flip-flop on this topic constantly. However, to rip off Oprah, this what I KNOW FOR SURE, not my neighbor, nor my best friend but WHAT I BELIEVE the realities to be, did I make that clear enough? I’m not going to get attacked by some right wing conservative mom militia now am I?

Stay at Home Mom

  • •I had a ton of guilt if I wasn’t turning out the laundry as fast as stealth bomber, whipping up gourmet meals a la Mario Batali and if the house wasn’t sparkling like the Chrysler Building, I’d go into hysterics. Okay, so let’s be honest here, this is what I thought I was doing, however, not sure if I lived up to these expectations but I certainly had guilt about it!
  • •That my entire existence was to be a Mom and Wife, I 100 and 50% felt exactly like a 50’s housewife sans the crazy-up do. I’d cater to my kids, wipe asses, and make sure there was a cold martini waiting at the door for my weary hubby after a hard day of work. Is this the absolute truth? See last sentence above.
  • •I felt extremely guilty buying anything other than cleaning supplies or food. Gosh forbid I bought a $7.99 t-shirt at Target, the guilt would consume me; I’d start turning tricks to make-up for the loss of income thus spending more time away from my sons…which in turn created a serious vicious cycle of guilt, STD testing… you know the drill.
  • •The guilt was even more overwhelming when I went to the gym. I felt that I was dragging them around, and if didn’t spend the time engaging, playing and making sure they were entertained at all times I deemed myself a terrible mommy.
  • •Totally used the “I can’t take these kids for another minute” tirade way too often.
  • •Became extremely selfish about “me” time, and in some instances, took the opportunity to roam around Target by myself so I could escape everyone, I didn’t care if I just had to buy tampons – it was a welcome opportunity, and I took it and ran!
  • •Fashion Don’t For Sure! I had the same get-ups for each day of the week, the only variation was the color. Nothing new came into the rotation and if it did it’d throw the entire universe out of wack; yes the ENTIRE Universe, I am sure you felt the tilt!! I did make sure that I was ironed, showered, and had a dab of make-up on. JEESH…give me some credit.
  • •Never felt RUSHED… ‘cause I never had to be anywhere, and if I had plans, or had to cart the buggers around to activities, or doctor’s appointments, I had all the time in the world to get there. It doesn’t matter that I was late 90% of the time; the fact of the matter is that I had the time to get there in time.

Working Mom

  • •I am not doing most of the above, and I have more guilt about it than a catholic girl going down on her boyfriend… times 1,000,000.
  • •I really miss my boys, I miss hanging with the little guy every day even though he most definitely drove me to drink, and I miss picking up my 6 year old from school, and helping him with his homework. And I really really miss screaming at him at the top of my lungs for him to stop horsing around and to finish that homework.
  • •I get to speak to adults all day long, and use my brain although sometimes I do feel like my children are way smarter than some of these people, at least I’m not wiping their asses, I guess in some ways I am, but thankfully it’s not literal!
  • •I went from a Fashion Don’t to a Fashionista!! Well, not really, I did buy new clothes, however, came to realize that now I have a rotation of work clothes – just in different colors, with a few cool pair of shoes; it was nice to go shopping!
  • •I work for a cross between Mr. Pitt and Michael Scott. No need to elaborate.
  • I get up anywhere between 5:00-6:00a.m. to exercise so I don’t rock the apple cart,and hope to eliminate some of the guilt about going to work, and doing something for myself, therefore I need to get to bed between 9 p.m-10p.m.. Therefore I hardly watch any TV –which I love, it’s how I unwind, so I never unwind, EVER. I’m wound up like a freaking top ready to explode.
  • •I get absolutely no “Me” time, other than dragging my ass out of bed at 5:00 to sweat. I am dying right now, can’t you hear my gasping for air…gasp, gasp, gasp. I totally cherish the car-rides to work.
  • •I don’t have time to do JACK – not for myself or for anyone else, and it blows like Shamu, or that catholic girl above.
  • •I have no guilt about buying anything anymore, and it’s a liberating. I feel like Laura running through those fields on Little House…cue music, see me running down a flowery hill.
  • •I am completely rushed 100% of the time I am awake, I have two hands in the air at all times, much like a circus act spinning plates, if one falls, I’m fucked and the crowd will gasp… or so I think.
  • •I cherish the weekends.

I can literally add something new to my lists on a daily basis; the fact of the matter is I feel the GUILT in whatever full time occupation I choose. A few years ago, I went out to throw a few back with some friends. We got onto this topic, and this one gal, whom I LOVE said that there is no way you can do both jobs well, I kept my mouth shut for once, but I felt extremely sad, because at that time I was a working mom and I had the guilt, and always doubted myself – how could I not, I have one son reciting animal facts like Rain Man and the other one is climbing out our windows. Nevertheless, life dictates what we need to do for ourselves, our families and our lifestyles, there is no definitive answer as to what’s best and frankly, it’s no one else’s business but your own. With that being said, guess who’s working fulltime, and has her child in daycare? ‘Nuff said.

“Knowledge is of no value unless you put it into practice.” – Anton Chekhov

“The key to change… is to let go of fear.” – Roseann Cash

“The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.” – Flora Whittemore

Posted in That's Life