My mother-in-law was watching the littlest bugger and when it was time for lunch she asked him to sit in his chair and eat his grilled cheese (btw- my MIL makes a mean grilled cheese). In the typical two-year-old fashion he said “NO!”, she asked again and he said “NO!”, trying to get him to eat as all Grammy’s do, she asked again and he said “NO! Damn it!”
Later that night, my basement was trashed with toys everywhere. I was sick and tired of stepping on little animals, big animals, stuffed animals, and whatever else makes up the thousands of safari set-ups in my basement that I asked the little big bugger to help clean up. I said “Richie, can you help me clean up this mess, Matthew can’t help he’s too little” (basically, he’d just make more of a mess) with that, Richie replied “I know he’s a pain in the ass.”
I laughed so hard I pissed my pants. Is it obvious that I curse too much?
“I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind, there was something so pleasant about that place, even your emotions have an echo in so much space” – Gnarls Barkley lyrics.
This is how I feel now, that I lost my freaking mind – and I can probably pinpoint the exact moment when, and where I lost it. The kids are screaming, my husband is lurking around, I still don’t have a job (or as my mom said “this time get a career”, nice eh?) , I probably have a yeast infection, and I am on weight loss odyssey with Health Magazine that is so amazing but has me looking deep into my emotions that has me scared shitless. In addition to this, my hair is gray, my skin is breaking out, laundry is piling up, I still can’t find my mind and with thousands of dollars that I spent on therapy, I still have never learned to manage stress. And I need to. I can’t stuff my stress with food ‘cause that would defeat the Health Magazine journey, so what does a girl do? Make love, or have sex (there is a difference people) but what about that yeast infection? Go for a run – can’t do that ‘cause the hubby is going crazy managing the kids that I have been successfully ignoring for the last two hours, Bueller, Bueller, Anyone? Anyone?
I guess I just need to tackle life head on, stop ignoring the kids, and maybe just maybe be present fully present in my life tonight. That might make tonight a little more stressful however, by the end of the night, I am sure I’ll be laughing at someone in this house – whether the kindergartener is farting on me (on purpose) or the husband starts zinging Seinfeld one-liners, laughter my friends is the best stress reducer, and yes, to be fuckin’ corny “Laughter is the best medicine” …and even if you don’t find where you left your mind, at least you’ll be laughing!
I’ve been pondering this thought for a while…probably for the last ten years when the O’ Holy Gift Receipt phenom hit the stores. What is the point? The only purpose I see for the gift receipt is if you buy multiple gifts at one time, therefore you need more than one receipt for each gift – other than that – who gives a rat’s ass. Why the big mystery? Ohhhhh, the gift recipient can’t know how much you spent, keep it a secret, please!! If the gift is returned, the recipient will find out how much the gift costs and at that time, you’ll be taken off the Christmas card list for being a cheap bastard, so you might as well save yourself the time and just not give a gift at all, right? I know this is an insignificant issue compared to what we face in the world (war, poverty, crime…) and I probably shouldn’t sweat the small stuff, but it’s exactly that that pisses me off – those little dumb-ass things. Shouldn’t we be saving the trees? Everything is paperless now; go green, save the forests – so why make more waste with the gift receipt? Every single register clerks asks you if you need a gift receipt. I like saying no – ‘cause I could care less if someone knows how much I spent on them, plus, it’s one less piece of paper in my wallet, perhaps I saved a tree… or a leaf and if I am being really cheap, then I’ll save 44 cents this year with one less Christmas card to send!